Ever received an email from Mr. Machai Xia (your "bank manager") who tells you that you've won the opportunity to take out $500,000,000 left in an account for over 10 years, and not really understood why? Or been told if you sell a painting for a Mr.
Omotosho Gbenga, auctioned at $6.2 million, you can take half for your good deed?
Ever thought of replying? We did...



We got an email from a Ms. Udo, requesting artist representation. We haven't heard back from her yet, but when we do, will be sure to let you know his response ;)


HIS FIRST EMAIL:
DATE: 2009/12/9
FROM: Greatness Udo

Hi Dear,

I am a young woman of 24years old, I have the ability to compose and write songs effectively, I am a gospel HIP HOP, and R&B artist and others, moreover I am self confident, focused and ready to grasp new concept easily.

I believe with my excellent knowledge of know what music is all about; I will be of good value in the musical world.

In due respect I am contacting you to be my producer, as well as a manager. If you want me to come over to your country good I will, if you believe in me to record here better, if you want to come over to where I am best, so that we can record together.{ please awear the you will arrange for my travel.}



PERCENTAGE

After the reduction of your expenses, the income should be divided into 60/40. 60 percent goes to the producer and 40 to me the artist.

Giving the opportunity, I will consider it a privilege to explode the musical world, hope this humble application will be given due response.

Mobile: +233-543-862-709

Thanks,

Greatness.

OUR FIRST (AND ONLY) RESPONSE:
DATE: 2009/12/9
FROM: DB Headquarters

Dear Greatness

I am an old man of many years old, I have the ability to sit on my arse and write articles effectively, I am not interested in gospel HIP HOP, and R&B artists and others, moreover I am rude, focused on this and ready to tell you to fuck off.

I believe with my excellent knowledge of what music is all about, you will not be a good value in the musical world.

In due respect, I am replying to you to let you know I will not be your producer, or your manager. If I wanted you to come over to my country, believe in you to record better from your country, think you should go somewhere you are best suited to record, or even record with you, I'd also be stupid enough to hand out permissions for anyone near by to hunt me down and shoot me.

PERCENTAGE
After the reduction of my expenses (measured in time), the income should be divided into 100/fuck all. 100 percent goes to me, fuck all goes to you (the artist).
Giving the opportunity, I will consider it a privilege to click send on this email, and hope this humble response will steer you away.

MOB: 0-1-2-1-do-1

Thanks,

DB.